Alternative approaches needed for disciplining children
In response to ‘Lashes outdated way to punish children’ https://www.nationnews.com/2023/05/21/lashes-outdated-way-punish-children/
A controversial one but a much needed conversation. Even though I grew up in the culture of scbigystcf, (If you get that, you get it!) I don't believe in physical punishment for children. My reasons are plentiful but as brief as I can explain:
Can you guarantee the "lash" will be the same strength each time? Or, after the car breaks down, a busy day at work, a stain on your favourite top and an argument with your partner, will the lash have a bit of weight behind it?
Do you find you have to give lashes for repetitive behaviours? Maybe, just maybe the lashes are not as effective as believed to be. The child may wince at the sight of a slipper but it begs the question does the child really understand why they are getting hit? Is the lash accompanied by a discussion - is the child required to give words of accountability for their behaviour? Are they taught or given the tools to develop emotional intelligence or conflict resolution? If not, it is likely the behaviour will be repeated.
Another thing to mull over, if a child in need of attention/interaction discovers they can get said attention/interaction by “acting up”, guess what?! I’ll take it a step further, what if that child starts to associate physical punishment and attention/interaction for love and affection? How will this manifest in their adult life and romantic relationships?
Although it may not feel like it sometimes, children are not psychological masterminds who are seeking world domination. They are, in their developing understanding of the world, finding ways to communicate their emotions, fears, anger, pain, boredom. Lest we forget, most of what we see from these little humans are learned behaviours. Frustrations about their behaviour may involve A LOT of self-reflection for adults.”Stop crying before I give you something to cry for” is a perfect example of this. The sight and sound of a crying child is distressing for caregivers but it is often a necessary expression of emotions for the child and may help them understand and navigate situations. Approaching the tears with a threat of violence prevents the caregiver from having to address the child’s or their own emotions and may prevent future communication.
Finally, as a practitioner I can attest that such experiences do have a physical, mental and emotional effect long past childhood. Some of the comments on the Instagram post for this article suggest that getting lashed as a child has made them stronger. The old “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” character building spiel. While I agree adversity and pain can shape our lives, I struggle with the idea that “strength” can only come from pain and suffering. A nurse doesn’t beat their patient back to health. Patience, empathy, self-reflection, forgiveness are often greater markers of strength than anything else.
Having said all that, when I found out they still do corporal punishment in schools here, I was ready to dust off my Muay Thai shorts for any teacher who dared to put their hands on my children. To clarify, I have a lot of respect and admiration for teachers and educators. They are under immense pressure, with heavy workloads and are often underappreciated, and for that reason corporal punishment should not be an option for them.This is not just for the children’s safety but the teachers too - some of these children are 6 feet tall at 12 years old!
I agree with the Child Care Board’s Josette Sam that “lashes are an outdated way to punish children''. It is a form of discipline rooted in trauma and misquoted bible verses. The outcry to her suggestion that people need to change their mindset and find healthier ways to address children’s behaviour, suggests that the lashes are working. That we are living in a utopia where violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and mental and emotional health issues don’t occur in children let alone adults. There is room for new approaches to disciplining children that would facilitate improved communication and healing not just for the child but the entire family and community. Don’t we deserve more?