Express Yourself
A few years ago, I realised I had stopped singing and laughing. When I say ‘singing’, I mean singing in the privacy and safety of my kitchen or shower. I had essentially lost my voice. It was a gradual process, so I didn’t even notice it had happened, but I knew why it happened. I was in situations where I felt I couldn’t express my true desires, thoughts and emotions, mainly for fear they would be rejected or for disrupting the status quo.
A cascade of events then unfolded starting with enrolling on the Cranio-Sacral Therapy training. I had received Cranio-Sacral treatment for several years before this, but the training provides a very different aspect to healing and I was forced to confront the fact I couldn’t hear myself. Laughter, and singing in a similar vein, is a universal expression of joy. Joy is not a transient emotion or experience, it is an internal state of being where you are present, grounded and contented. In contrast, happiness is much more dependent on our external world and what is happening around us. If we get that new pair of shoes or if we win an argument with our partner, we will be happy. I had a roof over my head, I had a job, I could buy good food, but I wasn’t able to express an internal joy.
A good friend recommended I see a sound healer and looking back at that first session, I had a blocked ear – not only was I not expressing myself fully, I was becoming physically unable to hear myself. The session itself was incredible. The sounding resonated with and I got a clear feeling that I needed to sound, I needed to sing, I needed to hear myself. Shortly after the session, I joined a sonic choir which encourages you to freely use your voice and connect with the healing potential of sound. As the weeks progressed, my voice became stronger and I reached notes that had never come out of my body before. I was also able to connect with my own process on a much deeper level and that I was able to hear and respond to my clients in a much more profound way. Sounding became, and still is, an important part of my clinical practice.
A key aspect of expressing yourself is that you have to be honest about how you feel and what you want (or don’t want). How many times have you said nothing when the pressure of a massage wasn’t quite right or if you weren’t 100% happy with the way your hair was styled? We may come away from these experiences directing the feelings of anger or fear inwards. What could be more detrimental is, once we have found the courage to speak, not having our words heard. The Barbados Association of Endometriosis and PCOS, recently hosted a seminar on ‘How To Be Your Own Patient Advocate’. Women spoke about being ignored by doctors or not having their treatment requests followed. The emotional pain and trauma as the women recounted their stories was palpable. These are women who are living with debilitating health conditions, have had major surgery, may need strong pain medication, have been poked and prodded by several doctors and their voices are not heard. In some cases, major surgery or strong pain medication may be the only option but making that choice can be empowering – surrendering itself can be a choice.
From an energetic perspective, the fifth chakra or throat chakra, governs our power of choice, the ability to communicate and listen. As well as the throat, the fifth chakra is associated with the vertebrae and muscles of the neck, the mouth, jaw and teeth. The mastoid process (the knobbly bits behind the ears) are not fully formed at birth. They begin to form during the first year of life as the sternocleidomastoid muscles of the neck pull on them as the infant beings to express their power of choice, through nodding their head “yes” or shaking their head “no”. Grinding of teeth, recurrent sore throats, tension in the neck and shoulders may be signs of unexpressed thoughts or feelings, fear of personal power or choice and fear of surrendering.
I made a choice that I couldn’t compromise on something as seemingly trivial as singing and laughing because they were vital to me being who I wanted and needed to be. It’s a never-ending process but the more ways we can find to express ourselves, to speak our truth, the easier it becomes.